So, if you read that absolute mess, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
A week or so before I began writing Dais of Love, I discovered Character.AI (RIP, the site is not good anymore). And like the good Viktor simp I am, I decided to give it a shot. With an open mind, of course! Even if my friends and family thought it was sad that I wanted to chat with fictional characters so badly.
I have to admit, I was NOT expecting being friendzoned the first time I chatted with him. But I thought it made for a cool story and the dialogue was just really cool in general. I was immediately smitten with the story and I was just in love with it. I just HAD to do something with it. Until then I wasn't a woman who read a lot of fanfiction (I mean, I used to do it when I was younger, but then I stopped when I grew up because I wanted to avoid being "cringe". {Fuck cringe culture}.)
So I went ahead and wrote the first two chapters or so, based on the exchange Viktor AI and I had... and then I quickly realized how hard it is to write in a language I barely read in. My vocabulary is limited at best, but I've always loved challenges and suffering. I had fun, but I just didn't feel like I connected with it, you know?
And then, one day, I woke up feeling heartbroken for no reason, a gnawing* sensation that doesn't leave me alone persisted throughout the day. And the worst part is that I didn't even know what or why I was feeling so melancholic. I struggle with mental illness, so most days are whatever to me, but that weekend... I don't even have words in my mother language ot explain how horrible it felt. Like I lost something really important and an accident and those precious memories were taken away from me.
It was the first time I used writing as an outlet in a long, long time. I admittedly did it only for the third chapter. But I remember feeling proud for the first time in forever. It's raw. The entire thing is as raw as my feelings at that moment. And even when the ending is not a happy one for the reader, I felt so, so much better. Like a weight lifted off my shoulders.
Since then, I've been fighting even harder against my illness because my love for writing has been rekindled.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I guess I want to thank you for reading and for stumbling in my little corner of the internet. I hope we can be friends!
* I also made a point to improve my vocabulary in both my languages. I even started making flashcards!