About me as an artist
At the time of writing is, my therapist made me think about why I am still here.
Not in a sense of "my purpose in the world," it made me think about the part of me who called emergencies and an ambulance instead of letting myself die.
And I try to not think too much about it, because I don't like the image of the suffering artist. Especially when, if people look at my art or not, that's none of my concern.
But a friend made me think about how people are able to touch the lives of many others without really knowing about it.
Just the other day, I got a message on Twitter from an artist thanking me for giving them the push they needed to open commissions. It seems they're doing well, and I'm glad I could somehow help.
I don't like to think highly of myself, or brag about it because then I'll look like a certain someone who compared themselves to Toby Fox, but all they did was scam and beg other artists for free art. But, three people seem to enjoy what I do, or at the very least they like my ideas, and that means the world to me.
My therapist told me to give myself more credit, because even if I've only posted two or three stories or drawings, that's two or three more things than most people. Which, I honestly don't think so.
I guess I'm just too used to scream to the void, and then be surprised when the void whispers back.
Not caring about being seen has it's perks.
One of them is that I can focus on doing things for me. Writing for me.
And if that makes others happy, that's good.
If it doesn't, that's good too.
I just wish it somehow made me happy.
But it's all I know how to do.
And honestly, it is also all I want to do.
I'm praying for a world in which I can focus on my craft and not pursue money.
A world in which no one has to be a capitalism whore.
Amen.